Dear, daughter –
I will fail you.
I know, I know – I’m supposed to pretend that we have a perfect life and that I am a perfect mom. But I’d rather give you the truth.
I will fail you.
And also? While I 100% love being your mom, I don’t always like being A Mom. I don’t! Girl, it’s hard. It’s hard and messy and emotional and demanding.
Don’t get me wrong – you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I loved growing you in my belly and I love your big belly laughs now. I love our nursing sessions and the unbreakable bond we have. I love chasing you around the house and watching you and your dad horseplay. I love your curiosity and your silliness. I love your formerly chubby feet that are thinning out with each passing day – I love every inch of you. I even – no, especially – love your strong will, although it makes me crazy sometimes. 🙂
But being a mom requires a 24/7 commitment, it involves a lot of unknowns (are you eating enough? the right kind of food? are we doing the right things to ensure you become a good person? –> things get serious FAST for moms), and it means our life is different now.
You see, motherhood is complicated.
It’s my wish that we give moms the space to be complicated figures. That we aren’t so quick to judge or criticise, that we understand moms are people, too.
I hope when we mark mother’s day together every year, you celebrate me for the messy, hangry, funny and loving mom that I am….not the mom you put on a pedestal and expect to be armed with the Stepford smile at all times.
I want to teach you that life is not perfect. It’s not an Instagram feed or Everybody Loves Beaver.
I want you to know that being perfect is not desirable. Perfect and great are not the same thing, and I hope you never confuse the two.
That’s why I wrote this for you. So you see that I’m not a perfect mom, nor do I intend to strive to be.
I want to be a great mom for you, and greatness, my dear, takes hard work and a big learning curve….and sometimes it means you have to fail to get better.
So I will fail you. But I will also love you and love you and love you until the end of time. I will do my best to teach you to be kind, to embrace your smartness and your silliness, and to have courage. I will be silly with you, and try to put down my phone, enjoy the little moments and keep my cool when I’m frustrated.
I will try every single day to be the great mom you deserve, little one. Sometimes I will probably fail, but let’s agree that’s OK.
Love you always,