Spending time with loved ones and reflecting on all that has gone right is a precious gift. Too many people feel afraid, unloved and alone, especially during the holidays. One of the most priceless gifts you can give someone is that of your time.
Spending time with people is a wonderful way to spend the holiday season. But it also is a good habit to develop regularly with your family. Time spent together throughout the year creates many different bonds with your family members that can’t be replaced with “things.”
If you’ve been following my column, you know about my first son’s death. In his case, there was no way I could have known he was going to die when he was only 12. Regardless of this uncertainty, I spent time with him throughout our lives together because I liked him. After all, he was my own flesh and blood. What’s not to like?
This same concept is true for any family. It is so important to let our children and our spouse know we love them for who they are. That requires spending TIME with family members.
Look, all of us are afraid of something, right? Well, it is human nature to feel afraid of something. Spending time developing a meaningful relationship with your family members helps dispel the fear and uncertainty of living on planet Earth.
The newspapers and online news articles that talk mainly about all the woes of the world keep people stirred up. Think about how that affects your children. It scares them. They may not talk about feeling scared, but they are scared. Having a loving relationship with your family members provides a supportive environment. When you feel supported and loved for who you are, it helps you deal with the fearful things of our world. Again, this requires time where you don’t criticize each other but, instead, just love each other.
Schools are changing policies about violence and acceptance. In my opinion, some of those policies are so rigid they can instill the fear of failure or the fear of success in our children. The gift of spending time with your children helps them deal with these rigid policies. When your children trust they can come to you with any problem, you help them feel like they can succeed.
What about your workplace? Office politics can create high stress in you and your spouse. When a woman has high stress, it reduces her oxytocin levels. Without sufficient oxytocin, a woman cannot effectively manage her stress. Additionally, it may prevent her from being able to get pregnant. A woman needs sufficient oxytocin to get and stay pregnant for those 9 months. If she doesn’t, it can cause all kinds of chemical imbalance.
Office politics can negatively affect husbands, too. It can deplete the balance of testosterone. All day long, he’s making important decisions. This requires him to use up his testosterone. It is simply the nature of this male hormone. When he’s stressed out, he may come home and temporarily not want to engage with the family. This is because he needs to replenish his testosterone to feel good again. Time, again, is needed for him. He needs about 20 minutes to do something mindless that interests him. When he can relax instead of make a lot more decisions, it naturally can replenish his testosterone levels.
So, ladies, even though when he comes home after a day of using up his testosterone and you want to talk all about your day, wait. Give him about 20 minutes to be alone.
Dr. John Gray, of “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus” fame, talks all about brain chemistry and its effect on relationships. Time actually does affect your relationship. You can go to YouTube and watch any video about John Gray’s lifetime work. You might be amazed at how spending time on behalf of your family can make all the difference in your relationship with them.