Birthday parties can be difficult for our family as we have a son with disabilities. Frequently, no one comes to his birthday parties, and if my daughter has a birthday party, all of her friends come. The difference is stark. I’ve struggled with how to handle this for years. Finally, I hit on the perfect solution for our problem. We would have “Birthday Experiences” rather than birthday parties.
My son LOVES pirates.
So, I planned a pirate-themed day for the family. I found a “pirate cruise” on a local lake and bought tickets to surprise him with. The latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie had just come out before his birthday, so with a pirate cruise, a pirate movie, and lunch, we had a birthday planned. We spent the day with our pirate, loving every minute of it and so happy.
My daughter, whose birthday was coming up, decided she needed an experience birthday too since she enjoyed it so much. As her birthday approached, we discussed lots of options. She is likes having all her options open. Finally, she settled on having her hair highlighted and a spa day. I took her to a local beauty school and had her hair highlighted for $50. I didn’t have to deal with a dozen preteen girls and all the drama that comes with it, or cleaning up after a party. We painted each other’s nails and picked up her favorite takeout dinner on the way home. For me, it was a win-win situation. My daughter was thrilled with her hair and spa day; it wasn’t too expensive, and I enjoyed it too.
The next year, for his birthday, my son’s requested experience was to go to a Renaissance fair. It’s a great way to help him experience and learn new things, which he frequently struggles with as he has autism. He had his costume for the day planned out from the moment he requested it. It’s also a great adventure for the whole family.
Birthdays don’t have to be the traditional party, cake, and presents. Make new traditions and memories if the old ones don’t work for your family. We need to remember that for some of our kids, a traditional birthday party is not what would make them happy. The nostalgia of our own parties or comparing them to other children’s parties gets in the way. The most important part of a birthday is making that someone feel special on their special day, and that can be done in lots of ways.
Here are a few other suggestions for an “Experience Birthday”:
- Tea Party Experience — Dress up and take your child to the local tea shop.
- Cowboy Experience — Spend the day at a ranch learning how to rope and ride.
- Fishermen Experience — Get your fishing duds and a picnic lunch and go fishing. Take Grandpa too because chances are he’d love to show you how to cast that line.
- Ice Experience — Channel your inner Elsa and go ice skating in princess attire.
- Gold Rush Experience — You may not live anywhere there is gold in the streams, but I can bet your child would love panning for gold in a stream for real or pretend.
Take your child’s great loves and interests and turn them into a day they will never forget. Birthdays don’t have to be expensive and huge. They should be about making memories and celebrating the life of that special person.
