It’s the parenting dilemma of the digital age: When should you give your child their first cellphone?
For many families, middle school is when the social pressure kicks in and you start hearing, “Everyone has one but me,” from your tween.
There’s no set age for getting a child a cellphone. Instead, experts recommend weighing factors such as your child’s maturity and your family’s needs to help decide when the time is right.
Wait Until Eighth Grade
According to a 2021 report by Common Sense Media, 42% of kids have a phone by age 10, 71% by age 12, and 91% by age 14.
The national “Wait Until 8th” campaign encourages parents to delay giving their child a smartphone until at least eighth grade. The parenting campaign links early smartphone use to increased anxiety, disrupted sleep and exposure to social media pressures that can lower self-esteem.
According to the campaign, delaying a phone also gives kids more time to build face-to-face social skills, develop independence offline and learn how to manage responsibility in smaller ways before tackling a device that puts the entire world at their fingertips.
Still, many parents find that middle school is exactly the time when a phone becomes useful — and sometimes necessary. Whether you’re managing sports practice drop-offs or your child is hanging out at a friend’s house, having a direct line of communication provides peace of mind.
Choose the right phone. Having a phone doesn’t have to mean unlimited access. Kid-friendly devices allow only calls and texts, offer built-in parental controls and block internet or social media access. Consider what your child will primarily use the phone for, and how much access feels appropriate.
Set rules and expectations.
Talk about when and where the phone can be used and how long your child is allowed on it at one time. A written phone contract between you and your child can help make boundaries clear
Limited Access is OK.
It’s OK for your child to have limited access to social media apps until your family is completely comfortable with him or her using these platforms. Talk to your child and let them know their safety is your priority. It’s best to set limits early, instead of taking them away. Start slow and introduce new apps when you feel they are appropriate for your child.
Teach privacy and etiquette.
Remind your child screenshot of messages and photos can happen and be shared without their consent. A good rule of thumb: Don’t type anything in a message that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying out loud. Also, they shouldn’t take photos of body parts or private areas such as locker rooms or bathrooms, which is not appropriate — and can come with legal consequences.
Monitor with transparency.
Use parental controls to track screen time and set limits. Be upfront with your child about how you’ll monitor their usage. Spot checks are reasonable, but reading every message without their knowledge can damage trust.
Trust your instincts.
Phones come with risks — from cyberbullying to inappropriate content. If you notice sudden changes in your child’s behavior, such as withdrawal, secrecy or signs of bullying, address it right away with your child and, if needed, a counselor or health professional.
