“The great paradox of parenthood is that it moves in both slow motion and fast forward at the same time.”-unknown.
Amen. Closing my eyes, I can easily be transported back to the day that my now 17 year old was born. The massive snowstorm stopped any visitors from coming to the hospital. The first dinner my husband made when we arrived home. How I chose to sleep on the hardwood floor in my newborn’s room listening to her sweet little breaths vs. in my own bed. And now, those years have passed in what seems like a blink of an eye. She has grown – physically, socially and emotionally. I have grown too.
Recently, part of my heart — also known as my daughter — boarded a plane without me. She was off on her first big adventure out of state without me accompanying her. An opportunity to travel to Disney with some members of her school was an opportunity I supported, but it was hard to see her go. It’s bittersweet. The sugar and the salt. Everything I want to happen. Everything I don’t. I hid my tears behind my smile and waved as the bus left the school lot. Then, I began to wonder.
Why do we do this in our society? Why does age 18 define adulthood? Why are we encouraged to see our children off to college? As parents, what are our choices other than to return home to quiet, empty houses? It is not just about losing them, it is about losing the community they are connected to. It is about the other parents and all the school and social occasions – the dances, birthday parties and school performances. It seems to be a bittersweet transition to so much that is new.
And so, I watched my child lug her suitcase down the stairs to board the bus. It felt like it wasn’t just filled with clothes, but with her hopes, dreams and excitement for her adventures. She hugged me. I hugged her harder. But then we both let go.
She turned and boarded the bus. There may, have been a wave from her, but I couldn’t see it through the dark windows. I can only hope. And I smiled. And I took a deep breath. And then I focused on my next steps. Smart enough, I made plans…the hairdresser, a concert that night…I may feel a little empty but I was determined to find ways to fill back up with life. Again, that bittersweet transition to the new – for both of us.
I didn’t want her to be sad or even miss me. I simply wanted her to take time to share with me, to stay connected.
This is the first flight in her journey. It’s the first flight of my journey too.
We’re both off to define and refine our lives. We’re both taking flight.
