When you’re a parent, the last thing you ever want to do is to hurt your children in any way. Unfortunately, some things like divorce can’t always be avoided. Once you’re past the phase of fighting for your marriage, the next step is to fight for your children to make sure that they can navigate the change in their family structure as much as possible.
Ideally, both parents should be on the same page when it comes to making sure that their children are looked after. But every family is different, so it’s important to make sure that you’re on your children’s side.
Early Support
Some divorces are a shock to the family, but often, you can see the breakdown of a marriage before it actually happens. In this case, you should provide support to your children.
Kids are smarter than we sometimes think they are, and they might pick up something that’s wrong. So depending on their age and maturity levels, think about how to protect them while also making sure they won’t be blindsided by a sudden change.
You might consider talking to them about how things might change. Ask if they have any questions or concerns. One of the best ways to support your children is by being approachable so they feel as though they can talk to you about the things that worry them.
Most of all, be observant. While this is an emotionally difficult time for everyone in the family, it could hit your children very hard. Look for signs that they might have noticed a change in your behavior and especially that they might be struggling with those changes.
Be Honest Within Reason
As mentioned earlier, transparency might be the best option to help your children come to realize what is happening. Tell them about the upcoming divorce and what it could mean to them. Ask them if they have any questions and be honest.
However, you don’t want to use your children as an emotional sounding board. You should strike the balance between making sure your kids are aware of what’s going on, while also protecting them from the emotional fallout.
You can explain that there are hard feelings and that you’re upset, but don’t talk about every detail with your child. Simply put, if you’re struggling to deal with it, they’re in no way equipped.
For this reason, try to find another source for your emotional support. Friends and other family members can act as a sounding board without involving your kids too much. You can also speak to a mental health expert.
Avoid Alienation
One of the reasons not to pile your emotional problems onto your children is so that you avoid alienating them against the other parent. Even if there are hard feelings on both sides, your children shouldn’t be in the middle.
Alienation can be incredibly harmful to children, which is why it can even go against parents in family court and cause legal issues.
While it’s true that some kids might end up taking sides, this shouldn’t be due to parental pressure. Ideally, it’s best to maintain their relationship with both parents as much as possible. This is one of the most important ways to protect your children.
Get Legal Help
Most divorces will involve family court, especially if children are involved. One of the main priorities of parents is to make sure that their kids are looked after. This could mean coming up with a custody plan that works well for everyone, but the children most of all. Their lives are already being uprooted, so try not to interfere with their education or other relationships within and outside of the family.
Another common issue that often crops up in family court is child support. Unfortunately, some parents don’t want to take on the responsibilities that they need to when it comes to looking after their kids or making sure their families have enough money.
In this case, make sure to use a family law firm specialized in child support cases. This way, you can make sure that your household has the funds it needs to make sure that your children are properly taken care of.
Mental Health Support and Therapy
During and after the separation and divorce process, it might be a good idea to get mental health support for your children as well as yourself. While it’s great if they can talk to you, some kids prefer to talk to a neutral party about how they feel about their family situations.
A mental health professional or family therapy should provide a safe space for your child to express themselves and process the change in their lives in a healthy manner.
Education and Other Activities
As mentioned before, it’s best to try to make sure your children’s education isn’t disrupted too much. While they might suffer some issues with their grades, you should make sure they have the support they need.
As well as their education, try to keep up with their extracurricular activities like sports that they might enjoy. This way, they won’t feel as though their life is completely out of control and they can still maintain their friendships.
Blended Families
The difficulties associated with divorce can go on for a while. While finding new love can be a great thing, it can add to more difficulties for your children. It’s up to you to help them to navigate potential step-parents and siblings that might come about from this.
Again, always make sure your child doesn’t feel blindsided. While you might not want to introduce a new partner to your children right away, explain that your romantic life is still happening. Keep them informed about how it’s going and, if it does progress, make sure that they’re comfortable the whole way.
If your child is struggling with an expanding family, this might be a good opportunity to get them into family therapy. It’s hard to balance your child’s wants and needs with your desire for romantic attachment, but it can be done with care and attention.
