Do you ever find yourself wondering if your child is developing “on time”? As a parent, you want to ensure your child has the best start in life, and that often comes with questions about whether they are reaching key developmental milestones. While it’s easy to get caught up in comparisons, developmental milestones are here to guide you, not define your children, as they grow.
According to Dr. Katherine Meyers, a developmental pediatrician at Cleveland Clinic Children’s, you are the true expert on your child.
“You know (their) rhythms, personality and progress better than anyone else — and that’s why being aware of developmental milestones is so important,” she says. “If something doesn’t seem right to you, you’re likely the first person to notice — it’s about being your child’s best advocate.”
Understanding the Milestones
A developmental milestone is a specific skill or behavior that most children can achieve by a certain age. They are broken down into several different categories that are often measured by tools like the Ages & Stages Questionnaire (ASQ).
The key areas measured by the ASQ include:
Communication (how a child expresses himself and understands language)
Gross Motor Skills (the use of large muscles for walking, running and balancing)
Fine Motor Skills (the use of small muscles in the hands and fingers for tasks like picking up objects)
Problem-Solving (how a child thinks, learns and plays)
Personal-Social Development (self-help skills and social interactions with others)
Joan Hamm, executive director of the Early Childhood Enrichment Center, explains professionals such as early childhood educators and pediatricians use the ASQ to provide a structured way to monitor a child’s progress across various domains.
Parents can also access and complete the ASQ for their children at home through the Help Me Grow (Bright Beginnings) Sparkler app — instructions to download are on the Help Me Grow website.
While some parents wonder which is the most important milestone they should focus on, Meyers says that it’s difficult to pinpoint a single most important milestone “because it’s constantly adjusting and evolving over time.”
“The biggest misconception is that all kids, even siblings, are going to meet milestones at the same pace, at the same time, and in the same way,” Meyers says, adding even with her professional knowledge, she was surprised to see her own children develop at their own individual pace.
Knowing this helps parents avoid the trap of comparison.
Hamm explains that development follows a bell-shaped curve. Some children may walk at nine months, while others may not walk until 18 months – and both are perfectly normal.
“That doesn’t mean you’ve missed the milestone,” Hamm says. “It simply means that learning occurs over time and requires practice. It’s the repetition that leads to the mastery of a skill, so a child may just need more time and opportunity to practice.”
Support Your Child’s Development
Many parents wonder how they can support their child’s development at home. The good news is much of what you are already doing is helping to support your child’s development.
Observe and Play
Hamm notes that early childhood educators evaluate children by looking at things like a child’s persistence with a puzzle or how he holds a pencil. Parents can do the same.
“Play is how children learn,” says Hamm, adding to look for opportunities for creative and imaginative play. For example, a toddler might just dump a bin of colorful toy dogs on the floor, but eventually, he will learn to sort them by color or shape — a key cognitive skill.
Children also learn by mimicking, so a great way to help them develop is to model the behavior you want to see.
Hamm explains, when you toss a ball, your child sees that and wants to copy you, which is a great way to practice gross motor skills. A two-year-old or an 18-month-old may not be great at catching the ball, but as Hamm explains, over time as the child mimics our behavior the child will make the connection of how to close her hands around the ball to catch it.
If your child is old enough to safely play with beans, sorting them is a great way to work on fine motor skills and also a valuable pre-math skill. You can also get child-friendly tweezers and have your child pick up pom-pom balls and put them in a bowl or a cup. This simple activity helps develop the fine motor skills needed for writing. If in some instances you would like your child to get more practice building a skill, look for toys that are designed to work on those specific skills.
Talk to Your Child
Language is a top concern for many parents, and the best way to encourage it is to let your child hear it. Talk about your day, describe what you’re doing, and read books.
Hamm encourages parents to ask their children questions about what they’re doing when they’re playing to encourage them to think about and describe what they are doing.
“That basic language goes a really long way for kids learning to understand how language actually works,” Meyers adds.
Developmental Milestones for Older Kids
While the focus for younger children is often on foundational skills like walking and talking, milestones continue throughout childhood.
“A lot of what our focus is on younger kids is, how much are they talking? What do their social interactions look like? How are they moving and walking?” Meyers says.
As they get older, the milestones evolve and change. For elementary, middle and high school-aged children, the focus shifts more to cognitive and academic abilities, social skills and emotional development.
Parents should also pay closer attention to how independent their child is becoming over time.
“We look for a buildup of stronger reasoning skills, math skills and reading comprehension, as well as an increased ability to pay attention,”Meyers says. “We also want to see a gradual increase in emotional understanding of friendships and relationships, and an ability to understand the feelings of others. At the same time, we’d expect to see a refinement of foundational skills, with language becoming more complex and motor skills becoming more coordinated.”
Next Steps
Meyers explains that pediatricians are moving away from the term “red flag.”
“Realistically, we’re focusing a little bit more on, at any given age, what do we expect most kids to be doing at this point in time? Rather than saying, ifby this point you’re not doing X, Y and Z, this is a red flag,” she says. “I know the terminology is a little confusing, but it’s helping us as pediatricians identify kids a little bit better, and again, taking some of that intimidation factor out of those red flags.”
What Should You Do if You’re Concerned?
Talk to your pediatrician. Your child’s doctor is a developmental expert who can screen for delays and offer guidance. Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns during a check-up, even if the concerns seem small.
Speak with your child’s teacher or childcare provider. Teachers spend a lot of time with your child and can offer a different perspective. They are a valuable partner in your child’s development and can help you figure out if what you’re seeing is a temporary phase or something that needs more attention.
Use reliable resources. The CDC has a great program called “Learn the Signs. Act Early.” that provides parents with reliable checklists and videos. Early intervention services are also available for free in every state for children under three. In Ohio, these services are called Help Me Grow (Bright Beginnings).
There is no book you can open to find a definitive answer about whether your child has hit a specific milestone — there are so many factors.
You should always feel empowered to go to your child’s teacher with your concerns, as they often spend enough time with children to know if a behavior is something he or she will outgrow, or if it’s a sign that warrants further action, Hamm says. With so many factors at play, it’s always best to turn to professionals with your questions. Your child’s doctor and their teachers are valuable partners in their development.
