As little girls, we think about how life will look when we grow up. Most times, this image comes to mind: a house, a two-car garage, a career, a spouse and children.
Statistics show, however, that this dream is fading and a new family life is evolving. The U.S. Census reports there are 10 million single moms living with children under age 18, and the number is growing each year.
Some women choose this life, while others are forced into this situation as their childhood dreams disappear. Here are a few stories to dispel the myths of single moms and show this life can be difficult, yet rewarding.
Different Families, Same Love
Carla Rodriguez, a mom of one in Lorain, says all families are different. They come in different shapes and colors – all built around love. Rodriguez relays this sentiment as she looks at her first year of being a single mom; however, it’s not something she planned.
In a relationship with her son’s father since 2007, the couple decided to split more than three years later.
“If I didn’t have things already established, it would have been more of a challenge,” she says. “There were definitely times when financially it was hard, by not having a secondary income. I have a career and can support myself. There a lot of single moms who do not have a job and cannot make ends meet.”
Rodriguez has worked for a non-profit organization for the past 13 years and is attending University of Phoenix in Independence for a business management degree. With her busy schedule and growing toddler, it doesn’t leave much time for herself, but she doesn’t regret the choices she has made in recent years.
“I still have the same morals and values as I did when I was with my son’s father,” she says. “I think it’s a healthier relationship now that we are living separately.”
Rodriguez’s family and friends have been supportive, which has helped her through this difficult time.
“Everyone has a baby and wants everything to be perfect, but things don’t turn out that way,” she says. “I am not a bad mom, I feel like I am a better mom. Kids are resilient and I think (that) what (my son) does see is a happier mommy and a happier daddy.”
The Responsible One
Somer Spyak, 28, of Elyria was told she would never have children.
“A month later I was pregnant,” says the now mother of two.
It wasn’t easy for Spyak. The relationship with her children’s father fell apart, and she was left alone while experiencing pregnancy complications with her youngest child.
“I never thought this was my life,” she says. “I thought the way everyone else thinks: get married and have kids. It’s very difficult when you are a single mom. It’s frustrating because people say you must be irresponsible, but I am actually the responsible one.”
Spyak’s biggest challenge is finding a place that rents to single moms, which she says has been a difficult undertaking. She works as a police dispatcher and works nights to cut costs on childcare.
Most days, she is spending time with her children at various free or inexpensive events.
“We are doing something all the time,” she says.
In a single-parent household, chores and discipline are done differently.
“I think you learn how to handle stress,” Spyak says. “A lot of things don’t faze me. I think I am a little more strict (with the kids). I need to be a little more strict with them. I am the only one here. I don’t have any regrets. I am very lucky to have two little girls who are very relaxed, play with each other, and are good and a huge help.”
