Maybe you’ve been doing what you can as a spouse and as a parent to maintain your family’s health. That makes total sense, but sometimes, for whatever reason, there might be someone in the family who has extra needs. Maybe it’s a special diet, maybe it has something to do with their teeth, eyesight, hearing health, bone health, weight, well, this list could go on and on, really. But you probably don’t want to make things weird.
And of course, that’s the tricky part here. Because most people really do mean well. They want to help, they want to be supportive, they want to show up properly. But health stuff can make people feel vulnerable fast, and once that happens, even small things can start feeling loaded. Now it depends on the person in the family and their age. Like a young kid might not mind, but an adult, like your aging parent or your spouse, they’re not going to appreciate that vulnerable feeling.
So, where’s the balance here?
Just Some Help Here and There
And again, it just depends on the age here. But really, go ahead and just think about it for just a moment here. When a lot of people hear “support,” they might instantly think about having a full-time coordinator nobody asked for. Which means someone in the family (like a parent) feels compelled to make lists, texting reminders, forwarding articles, asking if the appointment’s been booked yet, asking what the doctor said, asking what the next step is, and okay, that gets exhausting fast (and it causes a lot of arguments too).
Now, with that part said, practical help absolutely can be useful. If somebody’s preparing for a hearing aid fitting, for example, maybe they’d actually appreciate help writing down questions, remembering what time the appointment is, or getting a ride if they’re nervous about going alone. That’s all fine. Helpful, even. But yeah, you just really need to keep in mind though that there’s a big difference between helping and acting as this person can no longer function without a committee.
Just Keep the Energy Normal
Yep, this part really needs saying, because people love making health-related stuff feel ten times more intense than it needs to be. They start talking all carefully, acting all solemn, like they’re walking through some emotional museum exhibit instead of just talking to somebody they love. And yeah, that usually makes things worse, not better.
And again, this might very well depend on the age of the person (like your very young kid), and who the person is in general. But a lot of people feel way more comfortable when the tone stays normal. Sure, stay thoughtful and warm, but just be normal, please.
Avoid Performing Support
As in, being performative. So, what does this even mean, though? Well, in all honesty here, this is where people really get themselves into trouble, because they start doing what looks supportive instead of what’s actually helpful. Nope, not the same, not at all. Actually be supportive in the way the person wants.
