Preschool-age children thrive on structure. Consistent routines help them understand expectations, move through transitions with fewer tears, and develop independence one step at a time. For parents, routines reduce decision fatigue and emotional friction while setting the stage for smoother days and calmer evenings.
Of course, setting a routine and sticking to it is easier said than done — let’s face it, schedules are busy and life happens. We spoke with local experts about their take on routines, how to support children during the process, and what to do when things don’t go according to plan.
Why Routines Work
Research indicates that routines are associated with many positive developmental outcomes for kids, such as improving their ability to think and stay organized; regulate their thoughts, feelings and behaviors; do well in school academically; have higher self-esteem; and have better physical health, according to Dr. Ayla Mapes, a pediatric psychologist at Akron Children’s Hospital, citing a 2024 article in the Journal of Family Theory & Review.
“Routines are important because they create structure, predictability and consistency.” she says. “This is what makes children feel safe and comfortable.”
According to Joan Morgenstern, parent coach and educator at Senders Pediatrics in South Euclid, when children know what’s coming next, their nervous system relaxes, they feel ready, and trust grows.
“Familiar patterns take the pressure off. When kids aren’t busy bracing for surprises, their brains can shift into noticing, responding and learning,” she says. “When adults show up in steady, predictable ways, kids take in a powerful message: ‘You’re someone I can count on. I feel safe with you.’”
Building Routines Into Your Day
The goal with a routine is not to map out every moment of your family’s day, but instead to focus on key transition periods — the morning rush, after preschool, dinnertime and bedtime — and think of ways to add connection and calm in order to help things run smoothly.
“Transitions are when children wobble,” Morgenstern says. “Something ends, something new begins, and kids are asked to shift gears. In that ‘in-between space,’ predictability briefly disappears — which is why behavior often falls apart.”
She says the goal is not to fix each scenario separately, it’s to make transitions low-stress, predictable and rehearsed so children can manage them when their brains are calm — not in the heat of the moment.
Rather than elaborate or lengthy routines that will be hard to follow consistently, Mapes suggests creating condensed versions that include core elements. This way the routine can be the same no matter when or where it takes place, whether for a vacation, a sleepover at a grandparent’s house, or in the case of divorced parents.
“Pick two to three things that always happen regardless of the exact time or the location, like bedtime having a relaxing activity followed by a cue for sleep, such as brushing teeth and putting on PJs,” Mapes says. “Another example might be having built-in caregiver-child playtime that only lasts five minutes but is consistent every single day. Or after school, it might mean always following the same order of activities like snack, then homework, then free time.”
Leah Seifert, assistant principal at St. Gabriel School in Concord Township, recommends visual schedules for this age.
“Visual schedules are great because they can be there forever; parents don’t have to keep repeating themselves and saying, ‘OK, now your pants. Now your pants. Put your pants on,’” she says. “If we have a visual of what our plan is for the morning, or the order that we get ready, the child can think, ‘OK, my shirt’s on, next pants, then socks, then shoes.’ Or it can be as simple as showing steps like wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, breakfast, then school.”
Supporting Big Emotions
When building a routine, it’s important to support your child during the process — after all, adjusting to change is hard at any age.
Morgenstern says parents should focus less on fixing behavior in the moment and more on how they show up during the transition.
“First, maintain your own composure. Children borrow our nervous systems — if we stay regulated, they have a better chance of settling, too,” she says.
“Second, practice and role-play transitions in advance. Kids learn most effectively when their brains are calm, not when they’re overwhelmed. Rehearsing what drop-off looks like, how bedtime will go, or what to expect after pick-up makes the real moment feel familiar rather than threatening.
“Third, close the distance,” Morgenstern adds. “Avoid calling instructions or corrections across the room. Walk over, get low, soften your voice. Children feel your energy before they process your words, so your approach communicates safety, respect and leadership.”
Seifert agrees that taking time for connection is key. For example, if your child is dysregulated after school, she recommends pausing for a snack and a chat before going home.
“Maybe this looks like taking some time to have a snack and drink some water before even getting in the car, just to have a moment of connection,” she says. “Or while the child has a snack in the car, the parent could share what happened during the day while their student was away.”
If a child is adjusting well to a routine, they’ll likely shift between tasks with limited outbursts or “big feelings,” according to Mapes.
“They might become more independent in the tasks, help or show a sibling what to do, or they might even remind parents of what the routine is,” she says. “If they’re adjusting to their sleep routine, they will fall asleep at a regular time. If they’re adjusting to a mealtime routine, they’ll be hungry at that time.”
Signs that they’re struggling to adjust could include outbursts, separation anxiety, challenges with sleep and avoiding tasks, says Mapes, who adds, “Remember that they’re still young, and they’re still learning to be independent and self-regulate. If they are struggling, parents can note the most challenging part of the day or routine, and help problem-solve.”
When Plans Change
You know what they say about the best-laid plans…throw young children into the mix, and things will almost certainly go awry.
“Life is overwhelming at times for most parents — often despite their best effort,” says Dr. Sharon Apel Bursky, director of behavioral health services at Senders Pediatrics. “The antidote isn’t perfection, but discernment: recognizing what you can control and choosing commitments that support your well-being rather than drain it.”
She says instead of overhauling everything at once, parents should aim for small, steady shifts:
-One routine you tighten instead of five
-One boundary you reinforce
-One practice that supports your family rhythm
“Routines allow kids to feel safe and predict what is coming next,” Bursky adds. However, modeling flexibility and resiliency is equally important. A rule of thumb I often share with parents is to strive for routine 80% of the time. This helps with developing children’s sense of rhythm in daily routines without promoting intense rigidity and inflexibility.”
Seifert advises parents that progress is better than perfection, and that even more important than the routine is being able to model how you act when things don’t go according to plan.
“I think there are a lot of parents who feel guilty when the plans change, so maybe the best routine is a flexible routine,” she says. “We have these things that we want to do, but they can happen in any order or they can be changed. The more that we’re able to demonstrate flexibility for our children, that’s even better than maintaining a strict schedule.”
