Few parenting moments test your patience quite like a full-blown temper tantrum. Whether it’s in the cereal aisle at the grocery store or right before bedtime, those big emotions can feel overwhelming for both kids and parents. But experts say tantrums are a normal part of childhood development.
According to Dr. Kelsey Brocker, a pediatric psychologist at Akron Children’s Hospital, tantrums are often a form of communication. “For younger children especially, tantrums are a method of communicating feelings they don’t yet have the words for,” she says. “A child may be feeling frustrated, sad, angry or confused, but without the language to express it, those emotions can spill out through behavior instead.”
Why tantrums happen
Tantrums are most common during the toddler years. At this stage, children understand more than they can verbally communicate. When they want something or when something changes unexpectedly, the frustration quickly builds.
“Babies cry to signal their needs are unmet,” Brocker says. “As children
grow, they often continue using behavior as a way to communicate because they’ve learned it gets attention and a response.”
Parents may notice that certain situations trigger meltdowns more than others. Hearing the word “no” is a common spark, but tantrums can also be triggered by transitions, changes in routine, hunger, exhaustion, overstimulation or even simply wanting attention.
Understanding what behavior is saying
“One important thing to remember is that all behavior is communication,” Brocker says. Taking a moment to think about what might be causing the behavior can help parents respond more effectively.
Helping kids calm down
In the moment, staying calm is often the most helpful strategy. For younger children, parents can model simple calming techniques like deep breathing and guide them through the process of settling down. The goal is to gradually teach children how to regulate their own emotions.
As children get older, tantrums may sometimes become attention-seeking behaviors. In those cases, Brocker says ignoring the behavior (when it’s safe to do so) can be effective, though she acknowledges it’s easier said than done.
Help kids express emotions
Helping kids develop healthier ways to express emotions takes practice. One helpful approach is modeling language that identifies feelings. Encouraging children to say “I feel…” statements can give them a starting point for communicating big emotions.
Brocker also recommends helping kids recognize the physical signs that they are becoming overwhelmed. “Things like a fast heartbeat, sweating, clenched fists, or feeling hot can signal that emotions are escalating,” she says. Once children learn to notice those signals, they can practice strategies to calm themselves before a meltdown begins.
Simple activities can also help reset emotions. Physical movement like going outside for a walk can be one of the most effective ways for kids to regulate big feelings.
When to seek extra support
While tantrums are common, parents should pay attention if they become frequent and intense. Brocker notes that aggressive behavior, destructive actions, self-harm behaviors like head-banging, or ongoing difficulty calming down may be signs a child could benefit from additional support.
In most cases, though, tantrums are simply part of growing up. With patience, guidance and time, children gradually learn that even the biggest feelings can be managed.
