The parent was so irate that she called the teacher at home. The mother couldn’t believe Lily Eskelsen would require her fourth-grader to read a 250-page book in one day.
It was hard for Eskelsen to get a word in edgewise while the mother vented. When she could, she told the mother, “I want you to ask Russell when I made that assignment.”
The mother was embarrassed to learn the reading had been assigned three weeks before her conversation with the teacher.
Children will pull such stunts, Eskelsen says. Even she did. One year, she hadn’t turned an assignment in on time and wanted her parents to feel sorry for her. They didn’t take the bait.
When that happens, children realize, “Everything’s going to come back to — oh, I’m responsible,” says Eskelsen, who taught for 20 years in Utah, is vice president of the National Education Association, a union of 3.2 million educators across the country, including Ohio.
Nothing is more important than parent-teacher relationships, Eskelsen says. Research has shown that parental involvement correlates strongly to more motivation, better performance in school and children being less likely to drop out.
It’s important for children to know their teachers and parents are a team, Eskelsen says, because then game-playing and trying to get off the hook goes out the window.
“When that student gets the idea this is important, that Mom and Dad care about this … it permeates their attitude,” she says. The student realizes that “I’m supposed to be working hard. I’m supposed to graduate.”
When parents and teachers communicate, the same messages can be communicated, says Daren Hearnsberger, a minister who has taught in public and private schools for nearly seven years and is a teacher at Legacy Prep Christian Academy in Springfield Township near Akron.
That said, educators realize how busy parents are, especially in these economic times when many are working additional jobs. Thankfully, these are times when communicating with teachers is easier — often as simple as the click of a computer mouse.
Don’t allow not being able to make it to back-to-school night limit communication. A brief visit to see the classroom and/or simply sharing information about the child can make a difference.
Take for instance Warren’s mom. She visited Eskelsen to tell the teacher that though her fifth-grader could not read well, he had artistic talent. “She was reaching out to me and saying, ‘My kid is really, really smart. You’re just not going to know that looking at a standardized test,’” Eskelsen says.
Later, the teacher asked Warren to draw a digestive system as an instructional guide for his entire health class. The “A” he received in the class was the first he’d ever received, she recalls.
“It made a huge difference in how Warren saw himself,” she says, adding he said, “‘I’m really smart. I helped teach the lesson.’”
Questions to ask your child’s teacher(s)
• What’s your homework policy?
• What’s your discipline policy? What types of behavior do you punish? What types of behavior do you reward?
• What is the best way to communicate with you?
• Is there anything you need to know from me? (It can be helpful to share certain information, such as if the dog ran away recently or if there’s been a death in the family.)
Building parent-teacher relationships
Dos
• Attend back-to-school orientations if possible.
• Find a reason to visit the classroom. Volunteer or make an appointment to drop in with your child. The more your child sees you inside his school, the more he realizes the school and his parents are a cohesive team.
• Send a note to your child’s teacher identifying something you like. Establishing a positive relationship early builds a stronger bridge should problems arise during the school year.
Don’ts
• Get angry before there’s a reason to. Always confirm a child’s story with his or her teacher.
• Allow a child to pit you against the teacher.
• Criticize a teacher in front of a child. It could result in the child having no respect for the teacher, which could lead to disrupting class or otherwise rebelling.
Sources: Lily Eskelsen, vice president of the National Education Association, Washington, D.C., and Daren Hearnsberger, co-founder of Legacy Preparatory Christian Academy in Springfield Township near Akron.
