Body Positivity Series Part Two – How to Be Positive About Hair and Its Natural Characteristics

Note: This is the second in a two-part series. Link to Part One.

Hair is a big part of what makes someone feel comfortable in their body. Whether you have no hair at all, lots of body hair, natural curly hair, wear a hijab, and have short hair, you are special and unique. Your hair is unique to you and tells a story.

“Hair is a big part of the way we express ourselves,” says Sharee Miller, author of “Don’t Touch My Hair.” I believe that by highlighting all hair as beautiful in its own way, we can keep any child from feeling left out.”

Some people may feel insecure about their hair color and texture. As kids get older, they will often notice hair growing in places they didn’t expect. Whether it’s on their heads or other parts of their bodies, understanding their natural hair is part of growing up. Here’s some advice to help your kids manage and stay positive about all of their strands.  

Embracing Natural Hair

For Miller, she has had many experiences in which people have touched her natural hair without her permission.

“I wrote “Don’t Touch My Hair” because of my own personal experiences,” Miller says. “At the same time, I was reading a lot of articles where other people were sharing similar encounters with friends and strangers. Especially children. I wanted to create a story that highlighted this experience and give children the words to stand up for themselves.” 

Miller says it is important for young Black girls to embrace their natural, curly hair. 

In an August 2016 study done by Perception Institute, “The Good Hair” found that one in five Black women feel social pressure to straighten their hair for work and one in four Black women have difficulty finding products for their hair.

“When I was younger, I rarely saw characters that looked like me or had hair like mine,” Miller says. “Because of this, I felt like I needed to change my hair for it to be beautiful and acceptable. I know seeing yourself reflected in a positive light does a lot for your self-esteem and sense of self. By having these positive representations out in the world, I hope no little Black girl feels like she needs to change her hair to be beautiful.”

Author Cozbi A. Cabrera believes it is important that all young Black girls learn to embrace their hair. Her book, “My Hair’s A Garden” was inspired by an interaction she had at her child’s school.

“Her daughter and my daughter went to the same preschool, and she was a white mother, and her daughter that she had adopted was African American, and so I remember her pulling me aside by the cubbies, and saying, ‘I noticed your daughter’s hair is always so well groomed, and it’s so shiny and beautiful. Do you have any tips?’” Cabrera says. “I mentioned to her oil, and that her daughter’s hair would require oil and I could see her visibly recoiling because oil is something that helps remove, not something you add in on purpose.”

Cabrera says it is important for young Black girls to celebrate and be proud of their hair. She acknowledges that children often get bullied for any characteristic that might be a little different.

“Sometimes it’s a matter of embracing what you have, and knowing it’s innate beauty,” Cabrera says. “I think there’s a danger when self-loathing is allowed for a child. It really does have an impact on the psyche and how they move and navigate in the world and how they feel about themselves.”

If you are raising an African American child, and have questions about how to style their hair, Cabrera says people are very open to educating and helping other parents.

“People are very generous, particularly when it comes to our children,” Cabrera says. “It may even pain the other mother to see the child sort of in this neglected state, and so she would really want to open up her heart in that way. There are lots of YouTubers that could demonstrate as well.”

Cabrera has learned to love her hair and encourages other young Black girls to feel the same way.

Body Hair Worries

While it is important to celebrate your hair, this is not always easy, especially for young children. New body hair growth during puberty can be a concern for many kids. 

The CS Mott Children’s Hospital distributed their National Poll on Children’s Health to parents last year and asked them about how their children felt about their appearance. Out of the children surveyed, 27% were insecure about their hair.

“I think just normalizing body hair is super important,” says Sarah Ball, who is an advanced practice registered nurse and a certified pediatric nurse practitioner at Senders Pediatrics. “It’s important to know that every kid is different and that everyone’s journey with puberty is different. They might not have hair today but that might change in a couple of months and same thing with their friends. I think a lot of kids struggle with their body image and self-esteem during puberty because so much emphasis is put specifically on the body and the changes that are happening to it.”

Ball explains that girls typically begin puberty around age 8 or 9 and boys typically begin puberty about a year or two later than girls. To avoid children experiencing uncomfortableness and insecurity surrounding their changing body, she says it’s important for parents to talk to their child about puberty before it begins.

“Kids like to connect and like to hear that you have gone through these types of things,” says Dr. Keili Mistovich, pediatrician and co-founder of Greater Cleveland Pediatrics. “All of our bodies change and adapt and go through puberty in our own special way. There’s nothing wrong with you if you start puberty earlier or later than others.”

She adds it is important for kids to know there is not one ‘right’ body type and there is no ‘one size fits all’ look to puberty. Some kids may be worried if they are growing too much hair or if they aren’t growing hair at all, but Mistovich says this is all normal.

“If they do happen to be a kid who has a lot of body hair, and they don’t like having a lot of body hair, they don’t necessarily just have to live with that,” she says. “And I think it’s important also that if a kid really wants to shave or thin their hair or if they are a girl who’s got facial hair and they want to remove it, there’s certainly things that adults can help kids with to allow them to feel some control over the situation.”

It is important to acknowledge whether your child wants their body hair removed or not. Some girls may want to remove their armpit hair or leg hair or start tweezing their eyebrows. Some boys may start growing back hair, stomach hair or facial hair and may want it removed. Remind your child that having body hair is not a bad thing, and if having no body hair makes them feel confident, then that is their choice. Have a conversation with your child and decide what is the best avenue for them to feel comfortable in their own skin.

“I think that it is important to give kids a lot of autonomy in this area and to help them and to reassure them that there isn’t a right answer for this,” Mistovich says. “If they decide that they want to shave, teach them how to do it, and teach them the right ways of taking care of their body hair and how to properly remove it. What we really need to be communicating to kids is there’s no right answer to any of this. It’s really about embracing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin and knowing that people are different.”