In 2021, almost 44% of Ohio middle school students said they had been bullied on school grounds at some point in their lives; about 30% said they had been bullied electronically.
That’s according to data from the Youth Risk Behavior Survey for the state. The goal of the survey is to track those behaviors in order to reduce and prevent them, says Kristina N. Knight, associate director of the master of public health program at Case Western Reserve University, which administers the survey in Cuyahoga County. Adolescence is both a “pivotal” and “transitional” time, Knight says, one in which habits and life skills are formed.
With October being National Bullying Prevention Month and Ohio School Safety Month, it’s a good time for parents to think about what strategies they can discuss with their child when bullying arises.
“Unfortunately, like most things, and especially with safety, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to bullying,” says Emily Torok, executive director of the Ohio School Safety Center.
It’s up to schools to assess situations and identify possible solutions. Schools in Ohio are required to have anonymous reporting options, Torok says, which gives students a safe way to alert adults about bullying incidents.
It’s important to teach appropriate behavior, just like we teach academics,” says Patti Fetzer, director of whole child supports at the Stark County Educational Service Center. “And to keep in mind that some students will need additional support in learning that, whether they are being bullied or engaging in bullying behaviors.”
What to do when your child talks to you
If a child talks to a parent about being bullied, it’s important to reassure the child that it isn’t their fault, Torok says. And, to validate that however they’re feeling is OK. Parents should consider encouraging their child to talk to a mental health professional, like a counselor.
“Even if you don’t necessarily think your child needs it, it’s always going to be good to have someone else to talk to,” Torok says.
Julie Hertzog, director of PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center in Minneapolis, says removing the “stigma” of bullying so children feel comfortable talking to an adult is important, as, oftentimes, bullying behavior takes place away from adults. And that goes for the child experiencing the bullying behavior and those witnessing it. The messages that someone witnessing bullying should keep it to themselves, or not tattle, are in the past.
If a child sees another child being bullied, they can take a number of steps to help, Hertzog says. If they feel safe in the situation, they can try to remove their peer from the bullying, asking them to sit or play with them instead. If they don’t feel safe, they can approach the child after and let them know that they didn’t deserve the behavior, and encourage them to talk to an adult. For students who witness cyberbullying, they too can support the victim by telling a trusted adult, commenting something positive to counteract the bullying or sending the student being targeted a message of support privately. Small actions can make a big difference.
“So much about being bullied is also starting to feel isolated and feeling alone, feeling like you deserve this, especially when no one else is telling you anything different,” Hertzog says.
When bullying goes virtual
The basics for supporting students experiencing cyberbullying are the same as in-person: make sure children know it isn’t their fault, and that they can and should tell a trusted adult about it.
PACER has some further tips unique to cyberbullying on its website, pacer.org. A big one is that students should keep documentation of the bullying behavior. They can share screenshots or texts with a parent or other adult, who can keep the evidence if the student wants to remove it from their devices or accounts. Families can also contact social media sites for advice on addressing cyberbullying on their individual platforms.
And, in general, parents can start talking to children about these intervening behaviors early, encouraging them to find ways to include students who are somehow excluded. Talking about differences is also important, particularly in the middle school years when fitting in is a big focus.
If a parent finds out their child is doing the bullying, holding them accountable —so they can change their behavior— is important, Hertzog says. Some children may not realize that they are hurting others with their words or actions, so education is the first step. And helping children develop empathy and see the behavior from the victim’s point of view is critical, too.
“We say that bullying is about behavior, and behavior can be changed,” Hertzog says.
Additional tips for parents
Adults should be thinking not only about talking to children about bullying, but about how they talk about others –—people who may be different than them, or with whom they disagree, says Fetzer. That goes for in-person and online conversations. It’s critical to be a role model.
In the case of bullying, parents and guardians should work with their child’s school‚ not the other child’s parent —to find a solution. Trying to work directly with another parent can backfire, as it might escalate the issue, explains Torok.
