In today’s fast-paced world, where schedules are often packed and time seems to fly by, the role of grandparents has taken on a new dimension that is extending beyond traditional family dynamics.
Whether they’re in the school drop off line, on the sidelines of a soccer game or at home prepping meals and handling bedtime routines, grandparents seem to be stepping in more than ever to help with childcare.
In an era where dual-income households are common, the role of grandparents as babysitters has become a crucial pillar of support for working parents. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2022, 65 percent of married-couple families with children under 18, have both parents employed. Also, one out of four children under the age of 5 is cared for by a grandparent while parents work or go to school.
Between the rising cost of childcare, finding reliable childcare, and balancing two busy work schedules, parents are finding convenience and peace of mind knowing their children are being cared for by loving family members.
Mickey Haba of Solon says when his daughter was born in June of 2021, his parents and his in-laws were both willing and able to help out.
While the world was beginning to open back up from the COVID-19 pandemic, it still felt like a scary place for Mickey, his wife Dana and their newborn, so having their daughter stay in their family circle while they went back to work seemed like the safest option.
“We are very grateful to have two sets of the family that very much want to be around our child,” he says.
He says having the grandparents help out also provides a lot of flexibility that they wouldn’t be able to get with traditional childcare.
“The greatest thing about the grandparents is they are also very agile if I say, ‘Hey, I have an early morning meeting and so does Dana, so is it cool if you come here instead of us bringing her there? The answer is never ‘no.’ So, that’s huge for us,” he says.
Benefits for Grandparents
For grandparents, being actively involved in the lives of their grandchildren can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. The companionship and joy they receive from spending time with younger family members can combat feelings of isolation and loneliness that some older adults experience.
Karen Dooley, grandma in Medina, has done it all with her grandchildren. From infancy to now getting her school-aged grandkids on and off the bus and to extracurricular activities, Dooley, who is almost 70 years old, is enjoying every moment of getting to experience the joy of helping to raise children again.
“The key is just loving every moment you get to spend with them, because you see how fast your children grew up,” she says. “And it’s not that you didn’t take in those moments, but they went by way too fast. And now just taking in those little things that make you laugh and make you smile.”
Dooley’s daughter and son-in-law both work fulltime and have three elementary age children that live just a few miles from her and her husband. She says she was thrilled that her daughter decided to stay close to home to raise her family.
“I always said when I had my grandchildren, I would be a big part of their life if I could be,” she says. “My influence was my mother who was the best grandmother, and my grandmother. We look back on those days, my husband and I both were raised by wonderful mothers, but we also had grandparents that lived right around the corner.”
Dooley’s son, daughter-in-law and three grandchildren live in Cincinnati and she and her husband visit them about every six weeks and help however they can.
When she has the grandkids, Dooley says she and her husband, who are now both retired, enjoy taking them to explore various local playgrounds and parks where they go on creek walks, go fishing and take bike rides. They also enjoy visiting the library, and in the fall they love to get a pass for Ramseyer Farm and enjoy the activities there.
Making It All Work
Some grandparents might still be working full or part time and not able to add the “extra job” of childcare to their plate. They also might be caring for their elderly parents and are carrying the physical and mental load that comes with it.
Maybe they’re worried about their physical or mental abilities of keeping up with a small child or they want to enjoy an active adult retirement. Whatever the situation may be, it’s important to be respectful of grandpa and grandma’s time and abilities and also grateful for the help they’re willing and able to provide.
Haba says one thing they’ve learned to help make the dynamic work is open communication and building trust.
“It took me a while to be able to be like, ‘okay, when you have her, you got the system that works for you,’” he says. “They know what I’m comfortable with too. So I think it’s just that open line of communication of what both people are comfortable with. At the end of the day, my parents raised three kids and my wife’s parents raised six kids. They know what they’re doing. Everybody still just has their own style of how they raise children.”
Thinking of having the grandparents babysit? Here’s a few tips and things to consider.
1. Have them take a Grandparenting Class. Many hospitals and some community centers offer grandparenting classes to help grandparents learn the latest safety and infant care practices. Topics can include safe sleep, feeding and nutrition, baby proofing and basic baby care.
2. Go over house rules. They did a fantastic job of raising you under their roof but it’s important to establish your house rules since you know what’s best for your children. Go over feeding, bedtime, discipline and other things that are important to your child’s routine.
3. Discuss payment. Not all grandparents can afford to take on childcare for free, especially if grandma and grandpa are just retiring or cutting back on their jobs to help you out. If they will not accept money, ask if there are other expenses you can take care of for them or ways to show appreciation (hire a lawn or housekeeping service for them, keep their refrigerator and pantry stocked, give them gas, grocery or restaurant gift cards, send them on a nice weekend getaway or pay their way on a family vacation).
4. Be considerate of their time and abilities. If you’re running late or are going to be gone for extended periods of time, make sure to be respectful of their time by checking in and communicating. Late nights or long days with small children could be difficult for some older adults so make sure you know their limits and when they need a break.
5. Express gratitude. A big hug and a genuine “thank you” means a lot.
