In the last 10 years, my children have learned — in no specific order — how to walk, talk, use a toilet, swim, do a cartwheel, read, ride a bicycle, add, subtract, emotionally manipulate their father into buying them snacks, and perform a half-dozen or so karate kata.
In the same time frame, I started painting shoes. And not especially well.
I didn’t begin painting out of necessity or desire for a side income. I just kind of… started doing it.
To be clear, I have never been especially artistic. I never gave my parents anything to hang on the refrigerator. But I think learning how to paint has been good for me — as a person and parent.
Moreover, I want to encourage you to cultivate a worthless skill too. Start baking; take a sketchpad with you to the zoo; join that community choir.
I understand your hesitancy. Life is short, resources are finite, and learning is hard. But hear me out — if not for yourself, for your children’s sake.
First of all, learning a new skill can be fun. It also might make you a better you. Finally, it’s good for our kids to watch us learn.
Now I admit that my recommendation — you should get a new hobby! — is counterintuitive to this moment.
As a society, we crave expertise and deride dabblers. (That’s why nobody has hobbies anymore — just hustles.) Whatever skill we want to cultivate, there’s already someone who does it perfectly on the internet and that can be… deflating.
But there’s a joy in trying something new. Even if we’re not good at it.
I make mistakes every time I slop paint onto a pair of shoes. But each time I make a new mistake. There’s a delight — even a freedom — to making novel mistakes. And you deserve that delight in your life.
And there’s even some evidence that cultivating a new skill — regardless of how unconnected it is to your day job — is good for you.
Consider this anecdote from author David Epstein’s “Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized Word.” When compared with other scientists, Nobel Laureates are “22 times more likely to partake as an amateur actor, dancer, magician, or other type of performer.” For example, Albert Einstein — that stand-in for all geniuses — played violin.
Finally, it’s productive for our children to watch us learn. Even if we struggle. Especially if we struggle.
Julia Leonard, an associate professor of psychology at Yale, led one study where different infants watched adults get a toy from a container. Sometimes, the adult struggled and sometimes they performed the task quickly. Infants who watched the adult struggle tried harder when it was their turn to retrieve the toy.
And, yes, let me acknowledge the obvious. Learning is hard! Nobody knows this better than a toddler learning how to walk.
In one study, toddlers (13 to 19 months old) learning how to walk fell on average 17 times per hour. Which seems like a high number… unless you’ve ever watched a toddler amble across a wooden floor.
So it’s OK to struggle. And it’s OK to fail. Because your children learn by watching you learn, and they’re motivated by your resilience.
Which brings me to my final point: Your kids will need to learn new skills when they’re adults too. Technology is developing at an unprecedented rate, so the expertise that earns them a job will not be the skills they need when they retire. (Ask your friend in market research what AI is doing to their field.)
To borrow a phrase from Dineh Davis, we are all “perpetual novices” now.
You can’t teach your child everything they will need to know as an adult. But you can show them that they’ll never be too old to learn something new.
