Why Do Kids Blurt Things Out?

Why Do Kids Blurt Things Out?

How many times has your child ever said something completely inappropriate that made you want to crawl under a rock? 

Whether it be commenting on the way someone looks (that lady has a big tummy), their distaste in something (this store is the most boring place on Earth) or yes, even their bathroom habits (I just had a rock-hard poop)—it’s not uncommon for children to just blurt out whatever is on their mind.

But luckily, this isn’t a problem unique to your child. According to experts, there are logical explanations why kids say whatever is on their mind. We talked to Cleveland-area pediatrician, Dr. Arthur Lavin about this.

Kids have no filter, yet

While it can be both funny and mortifying for parents, small children are notorious for repeating inappropriate things at the worst possible times. But Lavin says it is important to remember that filtering our thoughts and exercising empathy before we speak is a skill that comes in time – just like learning to speak.

“The first step in speaking is to learn to make a word, put a thought into speech, into words, phrases and then sentences,” Lavin says. “As a result, there can be no attention paid to being careful about what you say. All energies need to go to learning to talk.”

He says children typically develop a filter around age 3 and continue to refine it all of their lives. So early on, it’s normal, common and even developmentally appropriate for children to speak without thinking of the consequences of what they are saying.

Children are eager to share what’s on their minds

Every child wants to be heard, and sometimes, kids can find it hard to contain their excitement about a particular topic or something that’s just popped into their heads. 

While it can often be perceived as a negative, enthusiasm and the desire to contribute can actually be great qualities in children.

 “Kids connecting is the very fabric of the essence of being human, and our vast networks that are the true source of all that we achieve,”  Lavin says.

Kiddos are impulsive

Most kids have moments when they’re impulsive and say or do things before they can stop themselves.  This is both a matter of everyday behavior and learning to mature, as kids develop at different rates. Simply put, some kids may take longer than others to gain the ability to stop and think before acting.

How to manage blurting

While parents have limited ability to restrict blurting when speech first emerges, only once a child is talking fairly well, in complete sentences and able to consider the prudence of a sentence can parents begin to have an impact.  

Lavin says at that point, he advises parents to generate games of saying things, and then everyone can talk about how this or that said in the game makes everyone feel better or worse.  

“It is important for parents that they do this to help their child gain a sense of balance in judgment, in a word, to regulate their speech, NOT to feel that if they say something with no intent of causing pain, that they are the cause of it,” he says. “This exercise can help kids regulate.”

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