By Lynn B. Johnson, MFA, APR
The saying “you can’t fill from an empty cup,” which I’ve only ever heard in Cleveland, became very real for my family when my husband and I were raising our two young sons while also helping care for my mother, who had Parkinson’s disease and Parkinson’s dementia. Busy years. Someone always needed help, attention, or care.
It taught me an important lesson: caregivers need care, too.
Think about the safety message on an airplane. You are told to put on your own oxygen mask before helping another. The same applies to caregiving. Parents of children with disabilities spend a lot of time helping others, driving to and even attending school meetings, therapy appointments, doctor visits, plus work, chores and errands, and daily family life.
Where did your “me time” go? It’s not a mystery. Time to reclaim some of your time.
Taking the time to care for yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary. Getting enough rest, spending time with friends, enjoying a hobby, or simply having a quiet moment can help you stay healthy and strong. Even better if you can schedule it for the same time every week, so everyone comes to expect it.
When caregivers feel better, they often have more patience, energy, and focus for the people who depend on them.
Even if you are shy or prefer quiet activities, it helps to stay connected with other people. A short conversation, a class, or a community event can be a good way to recharge.
Here are a few ideas:
- Visit your local library and try a free program or class.
- Find a gym and learn to pick up and put down heavy things.
- Look for community workshops that match your interests.
- Tri-C and Corporate College East have sessions as short as one evening.
- The Cleveland Heights Home Repair Resource Center offers free and low-cost classes, including Power Tools 101 and a Women’s Carpentry Series. Learn more at hrrc-ch.org.
These activities are typically out of home, and anyway, to focus fully on something else, your child or loved one will likely need respite care. Respite care means someone else does the caregiving while you take a break.
That break is important because caregiving is, by its nature, high-stakes and sometimes stressful. The more care you give, the more you can sink into overwhelm or burnout.
I asked Cuyahoga DD speech-language pathologist Jennifer Mashburn for her best self-care advice, based on her professional observations.
“Get a sitter or respite and give yourself a break regularly,” she said first, not knowing it was also my advice.
Respite care is not always easy to find or afford, but even a few hours can help you switch gears and restore, to return with fresh energy.
Mashburn’s second tip: Accept when others offer help. You do not have to do everything alone. If a friend, neighbor, or family member suggests helping, try saying yes. Or, when they say “is there anything I can do,” tell them a service you need. The worst they can do is refuse.
If you don’t have anyone nearby, Cuyahoga DD’s Family Supports Program can help families access respite care and other services. Learn more at cuyahogadd.org/services/family-supports-program.
When you do get a break, use it in a way that helps you recharge. Initially, if you don’t already have your annual wellness physical, eye doctor, or dental visits on the calendar, make those appointments.
Other no-cost options for rejuvenation are: walking in nature, reading a book, meeting friends, or watching a favorite show party-style with your BFF while also recycling junk mail, making a big meal or individual handhelds to eat and freeze, crafting or making a hobby.
And there is the time-honored tradition of taking a nap. #BigFan
No matter what, put down the feed apps. Doomscrolling is the opposite of refreshing.
Instead, do something you used to like, or try something new, even if you’re bad at it at first.
The goal is not to get more done, but to feel refreshed. If you complete something at the same time that’s a bonus.
One last tip from Jennifer Mashburn: Create a morning routine. “A written or picture schedule can help children be more independent and reduce your reminders.”
Have a great back-to-school season. Make it a fuller cup season: the better to fill other cups!
Visit cuyahogadd.org Also, for more It’s back-to-school time tips for kids, visit The Arc
