School can be brutal for neurodivergent kids. I know this not only because I had to watch the look of defeat in my own child’s face day after day as they came back from class, but because it was very much the same for me and for hundreds of other kids who never managed to feel like they belonged.
And now that Neurodiversity Week is here, social media will be flooded with infographics about acceptance and understanding.
But neurodivergent children have always been around, and for them, the school experience had less to do with awareness and more to do with surviving an environment that was not meant for them. Schools are designed for kids who can sit still for long periods, filter out sensory distractions, follow verbal instructions the first time, and transition smoothly between activities, all of which are major hurdles for neurodivergent kids.
The Daily Reality
Helping your neurodivergent children navigate the challenges of being in a system can be exhausting enough by itself, but it gets especially hard when you’re also neurodivergent. I’ve done it while running a school. I’ve done it with twins. I’ve done it as a cancer survivor.
So the first and best piece of advice I can give someone in a similar situation is “brace yourself”. There will be meltdowns over homework, mornings when getting out the door feels impossible and situations that leave both you and the children mentally and emotionally drained.
But for every one of those there will be days your child comes home excited about a project, makes a new friend who truly gets them or just starts showing those little signs that they are finally starting to believe in themselves.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
Neurodivergent is not the same as neurodefective, your children aren’t broken, in fact they are some of the most creative problem solvers you’ll meet and excel in creativity and lateral thinking.
So, if something feels wrong, trust your gut and stand up for your kids.
What You Need
If I had to point to a singular “main ingredient” to changing your children’s attitude from “survival” to “thriving”, it would have to be a solid community. You need other parents and educators who are not only “aware” of how your child is different, but also how that’s the source of their potential.
So trust your gut. Fight for what your child needs. Find your people. And remind your child every single day that there is nothing wrong with them.
They’re not broken. The system is.
And together, we’re going to change it.
Beven Byrnes is a neurodivergent mom and executive director of Bridges Middle School in Portland, Oregon.
