Is there a new little bundle of joy joining your family or friend group? You may be eager to soak up those baby snuggles and shower the new parents with bibs and bottles. However, there are a few things to keep in mind before stopping by to visit a newborn and their parents.
Schedule Your Visit
First and foremost, do not show up unannounced. Make sure your visit works for the new parents, and keep it short.
“When you ask the parents of newborns what they do all day, they will say, ‘Feed the baby, change the baby, rock the baby…and feed the baby,’” says Dr. Shelly Senders, pediatrician at Senders Pediatrics in South Euclid. “This is usually on a two-to-three-hour repeating pattern all 24 hours. No visit should be longer than an hour and most should be closer to 30 or 40 minutes.”
Northeast Ohio mom Caroline Goldman, who recently welcomed her fourth baby, says it’s helpful when visitors are patient and flexible with new parents and their fluctuating schedule.
“With previous deliveries, it was stressful when visitors were trying to push to come visit before we were ready or insistent on a specific time to come that may not have worked for us,” Goldman says.
She says her best advice for visitors is to “offer to bring things for the new parents, and be flexible and patient with the new parents’ schedules in the hospital and when newly home.”
Parents may need a few weeks to settle into their baby’s schedule before they feel comfortable having company. Waiting a few weeks allows new parents to adjust — and by then, they may welcome the help.
“By that time, the meal trains have faded, the grandparents are gone and the new parents need you more than ever,” Senders says.
Take Health Precautions
Senders says visitors should only come to meet the baby when they’re completely healthy.
“While babies are not as fragile as they seem and they are protected from most illnesses by maternal antibodies transferred during delivery — and if they are nursing, additionally, by breastmilk — it adds anxiety to the life of a newborn parent if visitors are sick in any way,” he explains.
Before touching or holding the baby, you should wash your hands or use hand sanitizer. Doing it in front of the new parents can help ease their anxiety about germs.
Don’t ask to hold the baby unless the parents offer. If the baby cries, hand them back immediately.
“Some parents, especially experienced ones, are fine with you holding the baby,” Senders says. “Others, especially first-time parents, are more nervous about introducing illness.”
Do not kiss the baby. While it’s tempting to show your affection, many viral illnesses such as colds, the flu and RSV are transmitted by mouth secretions.
What to Bring?
Skip the bottle of celebratory champagne and sugary lattes. Instead, Senders recommends bringing healthy, high protein foods.
“Offer to bring the new mom’s favorite high protein breakfast some day later that week,” Senders suggests.
He adds that foods and drinks with added sugars can increase the odds of having postpartum depression.
Freezer meals, easy heat-and-eat dishes or gift cards to their favorite local takeout can be especially helpful for parents.
Goldman adds that supporting older siblings is also hugely appreciated, whether it’s keeping them busy at home or taking them out and about for some fun.
“The most appreciated was food they (visitors) brought and taking our other kids out for activities to keep them entertained,” Goldman says.
Be a Helper, Not a Visitor
“Visitors are people for whom you have to clean up, dress up and put on a show,” Senders says. “Helpers are people who do things to make the parents’ day a little easier. Good friends and savvy grandparents will know what those things are.”
Offer help and be specific. Think meals, caring for older children, or picking up something from a store or pharmacy. If the new parents decline, that’s OK. Simply being present and supportive goes a long way.
“Be kind, say loving and supportive things, and make it easy for them to cry in front of you,” Senders says.
Here are five natural ways visitors can support postpartum moms and reduce the risk of postpartum depression:
1. Encourage movement when possible. “Even short walks count,” Senders says. “If you are a walking friend, offer to go walking in the mall when the new mom is up to it.”
2. Help her get rest. Provide opportunities for sleep whenever possible.
3. Promote protein. Aim for about 20 grams of protein for breakfast.
4. Reduce the amount of sugary snacks and drinks. Keep added sugar to under 40 grams per day.
5. Laugh Often. “The 52 muscles that go up instead of down release the same serotonin found in all antidepressant meds,” Senders says. “Find ways to make the new mom and dad laugh as only you (as their friend) can!”
