You gave your child a blue sippy cup instead of the yellow one, you asked your toddler to wear socks, or perhaps the bath you ran wasn’t “soapy enough.” Are you surprised you lived to tell the tale?
You can be the calmest parent, but toddlers are anything but rational, and meltdowns aren’t ever a question of if, but when.
We asked Dr. Joey Korah, a pediatrician at Akron Children’s Mayfield Heights, why toddlers have meltdowns and how to manage them.
All about meltdowns
“We call them terrible twos, but these meltdowns definitely start long before their second birthday,” says Korah, who notes that this behavior begins as early as 9 months and can last through school age. “It really depends on the child and how things are handled by parents or caregivers.”
Korah says the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is that tantrums are slowed with self-regulation, while a meltdown is beyond the ability of a child to self-regulate. Meltdown behavior typically includes kicking, screaming, hitting, biting and throwing things.
“You name it, and they’ll do it,” Korah says. “Toddlers will do whatever they need to do to get a reaction or the response they want.”
Meltdowns are a coping skill
Korah says the primary reason for toddler meltdowns is that they lack the skills to handle big emotions. This often leads to them becoming frustrated.
“Because they can’t express themselves, their coping mechanism is to communicate through grunts, screams and other behavior,” he says.
Slight schedule changes make a big difference
Toddlers thrive on routine, and when even the slightest things like sleep schedules and mealtimes shift, toddlers react in big ways.
“Schedules are important, and we are creatures of habit,” he says. “Our bodies and brains work on a clock, and if nap was cut short by a few minutes, or mealtime is a bit later, their fuse gets shorter as they are sleep deprived and hungry.”
How to handle meltdowns
Korah says the best way to prevent meltdowns is by ignoring them, as feeding into it can reinforce the behavior to the toddler that if they scream, they get their way. Instead, he suggests trying to give them space or help them take deep breaths.
Ultimately, it’s important that parents model ways to handle their own frustration when these moments happen.
“Try your best to remain calm and collected, because if you are yelling right back at your child, it becomes more of a power struggle,” Korah says.
When to seek help
Korah says that parents should seek advice from their pediatrician if a toddler is at a point they are harming themselves or others.
“Trust your instincts,” he says. “If you feel like the behavior is beyond what you believe is normal, or is more than you can handle, talk to your pediatrician. Many times, pediatricians can reassure parents that what their child is actually doing is normal.”
