From the playground to the high school halls, it’s an unfortunate truth —bullying exists and only gets worse with age. With the advances in technology, social media in particular, it can seem like there is no escape from this type of behavior.
This Bullying Prevention Month, we spoke with some local experts about why bullying behavior occurs and what parents and kids can do to prevent it.
Understanding the facts
Bullying is defined as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance” that is often repeated over time and has long-lasting consequences.
Research shows that bullying can begin as early as the preschool years. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reports of bullying are highest in middle schools (28%), followed by high schools (16%), combined schools (12%) and primary schools (9%). Believe it or not, bullying can be present in adult life as well in college or workplace settings.
Common reasons for bullying
Dr. Kate Eshleman, a psychologist with the Cleveland Clinic Center for Pediatric Behavioral Health, says there is no one reason that kids bully, but rather a variety of reasons that can cause children to exhibit the behavior.
“Sometimes children observe this behavior or are treated this way at home, and they learn this is how you interact with others,” she says. “Other times, children may be feeling bad about themselves and want to make others feel bad about themselves, as well. Bullying can also result from someone needing to exert control over a situation. Sometimes children do not understand or accept others’ differences, and do not know how to appropriately interact with others, resulting in bullying. Bullying can also be an attention seeking behavior, as children who bully often receive positive attention from peers or negative attention from adults.”
Cyberbullying creates a constant problem
Eshleman says the rise of social media has made bullying an
‘always on’ problem for kids.
“Before social media, once you left an activity, the bullying ended, at least for the time being, as you were away from the peers,” she says. “Now, kids don’t have to be together for the bullying to continue through social media platforms and texting.”
What to do if you suspect your child is bullying others
If you suspect your child may be bullying others, experts agree that it’s important to talk to your child before reacting.
Dr. Sharon Apel Bursky, director of Behavioral Health Services at Senders Pediatrics, says it is important to first assess whether the child understands that their behavior is bullying.
“Insight is the main ingredient in change,” Bursky says. “It is crucial to not label the child as a bully but discuss the behavior as
bullying. This distinction allows for the child to acknowledge the capacity for change. Of course,
there should be consequences for continued bullying behavior, but it is also important to understand where this behavior comes from.”
What to do if your child is a target of bullying
Bursky says parents should advocate for their children if they become aware that the child is targeted by bullying.
“Having discussions about the child’s experience including validating their feelings and empathizing with their experiences will help them process their emotions,” Bursky says. “Setting expectations about how they treat others, despite not being treated well, will also reduce chances your child engages in bullying behavior.”
Eshleman also suggests learning the details of the situation and creating a plan to address it.
“If parents have questions or concerns, it is absolutely OK and encouraged to seek help,” she says. “Talk with other parents, school personnel, or medical or mental health professionals, in terms of what to watch for and what to do if you think your child is being bullied.”
