High school students and their parents seem to have more on their plates as everyone balances multiple schedules from sports, academics, work and after-school activities. For high school families, they also have the crunch of getting everything done before it all ends, including figuring out future steps, whether it’s college or career. We spoke with a few parents who provided tips on how to keep things moving in the right direction.
1. Focus on academics first. That’s the rule in the Griffin household in Strongsville, where Jackson, the youngest of three kids, is a senior — and a four-year starter at defensive back on the Mustang football team, senior class president and a member of the honors orchestra, among other things.
“The thing we celebrate the most for our kids is not athletics or extracurricular success but rather academic success,” says Kevin, Jackson’s dad. “The only other real rule was that if you start something you have to finish it, be it a sport, team or club.”
2. Establish support groups — for students and parents.
Griffin says peer groups have been instrumental for his son and he and his wife, Farrah.
“We’ve always encouraged our kids to establish a strong group of friends who share similar priorities and values. Jackson’s friend group keeps him accountable and they push and support each other.” As they’ve navigated their kids’ maturation and growth, though, parent peers have been important, too:
“Having other parents to talk to about this topic was helpful,” Kevin Griffin says. “We didn’t want to overlook a blind spot we might have as parents. Conversations with other parents plus older folks who had been through the process were always helpful.”
3. Communicate —calendars and group texts.
Matthew Contipelli, a senior golfer in Solon, and his sister, Kate, a sophomore runner and band member, are constantly on the go, says their mom, Stephanie. Communication, then, is key. Everyone has a separate color on their shared calendar, and their family group text thread is always humming.
“Everything goes on the calendar: family commitments, sports, games, tournaments, my husband’s work travel —everything,” Stephanie Contipelli says. If Kate needs to be picked up or dropped off unexpectedly, that goes in the group chat, and Matthew — whose agreement for getting a car was dependent upon him driving his sister when his mom and dad can’t — jumps in.
4. Family time evolves — but remains critical.
Dinners together are fewer and farther between, but family time has turned into trips to Target, errands or elsewhere for the Contipellis. They also view golf tournaments as little getaways they otherwise wouldn’t enjoy: If he golfs for two days across the state, Mom, Dad and Kate go; one day, Mom walks with Matthew and Dad takes Kate shopping.
“We must meet them where they are right now. If they ask me to do anything, I always say yes. I’ve become more comfortable with the house not looking perfect all the time if it means I spent time with the kids.”
5. Make clear to students that they’re loved unconditionally.
As students go, go and go some more, sometimes it’s easy to let the most important things lose priority. Kevin Griffin says that he and his wife tell their kids, and any other parents who will listen, that their kids must continually understand the love their parents have for them.
“The sports outcomes, the scores, records and results, don’t matter,” he says. “What matters is how the kids prepare and learn from the lessons sports and activities teach. We’ve drilled this into our children early. Balancing unconditional love with accountability, including commitment, hard work and being a good teammate, has proven to be the key in our household.”
6. Understand one truth: Father Time is undefeated.
“It is really hard to balance everything,” Stephanie Contipelli says, “but I want to be at each event and try to look at it as a privilege, rather than an obligation. At this point, I can see the years of getting to watch their events is quickly coming to an end, so I try to appreciate each one.”
