by Robin Dackman
As parents, it’s hard to know how to guide your teen and support their needs to become strong, independent adults. Teen stress is a very real issue. Most likely, he or she is overloaded.
They are dealing with school pressure, career decisions, busy schedules, high-demanding sports, social lives and family obligations. Let’s not forget also that they deal with all of these things while going through puberty, a highly emotional time in their lives.
“Parents are right to be worried about stress and their children’s health,” says Mary Alvord, a clinical psychologist in Maryland and public education coordinator for the American Psychological Association. “A little stress is a good thing. It can motivate students to be organized. But too much stress can backfire.”
Almost 40 percent of parents say their high-schooler is experiencing a lot of stress from school, according to a new NPR poll conducted with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health. In most cases, stress is from academics, not social issues.
A study by Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health cited the signs to look for such as increased complaints of headache, stomachache or muscle pain; tiredness; shutting down and withdrawing from people and activities; increased anger or irritability; crying more often and appearing teary-eyed; chronic anxiety and nervousness; changes in sleeping and eating habits; and difficulty concentrating.
What Can Parents Do?
Oftentimes, the points of stress become too much, and teens begin to subconsciously prioritize their own agendas, usually leaving homework at the bottom of the list.
Help your teen get organized. Organization and good study habits in school are learned skills. One key to success in reducing stress is to develop good study habits. Successful families look outside the home for specialists in those areas of need.
“Balance is always the key, but it is not an easy thing to do,” adds Brad Granneman, a guidance counselor at Open Door Christian Schools. “Studies show that if students work 20 hours a week or more it will impact their education in negative ways. I would suggest sitting down with your child and making a list of time constraints and make a schedule of how much time is realistic for everything on the list (making sure that you plan time for resting). Having the list on paper then can lead to a discussion about a realistic time-management schedule.”
Follow up on the priorities that were set, and don’t let others, or other interests, distract them from their goals.
Also, try to come up with one event each week where you can connect with your teen on their level and ask them how they are doing. You might even encourage your teen to talk to other supportive role models in their life.
Many experts agree that finding a positive role model can positively influence a young adult’s life. Whether a coach, a teacher or a family friend, role models ideally can connect with teenagers in a constructive way that offers a safe and productive environment. Having an influence outside the home or school can be very beneficial. Role models can also be a counselor, social worker or an employer. Finding someone they can identify with and relate to is important when looking for a mentor.
There certainly is not a “one size fits all” approach to raising teens. Everyone has a different learning style, so it is important to find the one that will work best for your child.
Robin Dackman is the general manager at College Nannies and Tutors on Cleveland’s West Shore. Call 440-793-7770 or visit collegenanniesandtutors.com.
Teen Questions Get Answered by Brad Granneman, a guidance counselor at Open Door Christian Schools
Teens often worry about many things from passing a class to getting into the right activities. What can parents do to help?
If parents have a realistic perspective on their kids’ talents and abilities then they can help the kids have realistic expectations of themselves. That doesn’t mean we don’t encourage our children to improve and reach for success. Parents should point out strength areas and help their kids be successful in their strengths. Then help remove extra pressures from their children to take advanced courses in areas in which they struggle, or help them find academic support for those same classes.
How can parents or teens help combat teen stress or overload?
Many teens suffer from sleep deprivation because they have too many things on their plate, and because they are overly “connected.” It is important for families to consider having “unplugged” time. I have watched students “doing their homework” where about every minute or so they stop their studying to respond to a text. They hit send and then refocus on the work only to be interrupted by a fresh text in the next couple of minutes. This form of studying does not produce a very good end result. Students need to realize what it means to focus on work or to be committed to a finished product. I often tell students, “You don’t have to shut your phone off all evening, just for an hour or two to get your homework done.”
How can you decrease test anxiety, even though the teen is prepared?
I would recommend parents help them realize that the test, while important, should not dictate their life. There are colleges out there for every level of learner. Their ability to succeed in life is not based on the ACT or the SAT. They need to realize that there is a bigger picture to education that far surpasses a grade on a test, and hopefully in the world of work, their amazing work ethic will be recognized and rewarded
