Middle school is a time of transition for children and their families.
“Middle school is a really tough time, because it is one of the biggest times of development across the board for children,” says Dr. Emily Mudd, pediatric psychologist at Cleveland Clinic Children’s. “It’s important for parents to shift from managing all of their children’s responsibilities to providing their children more freedom.”
She compares this to the role of a coach who helps kids learn that they can grow through mistakes and handle hard things.
This can look differently depending on what middle school grade the children are in.
Here is a grade-by-grade breakdown of what parents need to know to navigate these middle school years.
6th Grade: Navigating New Independence
For many school districts, sixth grade marks the transition to middle school.
“It’s multiple changes at once,” Mudd says. ”It’s a larger school, maybe multiple teachers, changing classrooms, more academic demands; and peer relationships get really complex in middle school, where they might have been a little simpler in elementary school.”
Because of these transitions, kids may experience increased anxiety while still having a growing desire for independence.
Practice independence skills ahead of time: Mudd suggests walking through schedules, practicing opening lockers, asking teachers for help, and planning what to do if an assignment is forgotten.
Scaffold organizational skills: “The prefrontal cortex, a part of their brain that helps with organization and planning, of children at this age is not quite developed. So the parent will have to teach a child how to do this while still providing oversight at this age,” Mudd explains.
Identify a trusted adult at school: She recommends helping your children identify at least one adult on campus they can go to if a problem arises.
Talk openly about body changes: Discuss puberty early. Mudd advises parents to “normalize that physical bodies develop at different rates and there’s no correct timeline for developing.” It is also essential to name body parts by their correct anatomy.
Discuss digital footprints: “These are really important conversations. The more parents normalize these conversations in the household, the more kids will feel comfortable talking with their parents,” Mudd says. During these discussions, cover online privacy, how people can screenshot things, cyberbullying, and how online conflict impacts mood.
Prepare for varying maturity levels: Sherri Knight, a mom of five, notes that kids with older siblings or cousins may be exposed to more mature content sooner.
She adds, “These friends may start talking about topics your child may not be ready for yet. This can make a child feel like his or her friends are suddenly different or they’ve sprung into maturity.” She recommends parents help their child develop discernment rather than just saying “don’t do this” or “don’t do that.” She advises keeping a calm, curious posture and asking:
- “What kinds of things are kids talking about at school?”
- “Have you heard or seen anything lately that didn’t sit right with you?”
Navigate changing friendships: Knight points out that in middle school, interests begin to shift “from puppies, stickers and fake tattoos to more mature topics.”
She recommends parents begin having conversations to let their children know that friendships may start to change and how to navigate that. She recommends asking:
- “How are your friendships changing this year?”
- “Are there any new topics friends are talking about that feel uncomfortable or confusing?”
- Which friends are kind and respectful?
- Are there situations that don’t line up with our family values?
Establish clear family values: Clear standards help keep kids grounded. Knight says, “This helps children see that home sets the tone, even if friends or classmates live differently.” When values differ, she suggests teaching, “In our family, we believe/do/don’t do X.” To help children navigate these differences ask:
- “Does this fit with what we believe?”
- “How do you want to handle this in a way that honors our values and still respects others?”
Protect younger siblings: As the middle schooler begins to grow, the conversations may begin to change. Knight recommends asking sixth graders to recognize and use their influence positively. She suggests saying something like, “Your brothers/sisters are watching you — can you help me keep this a safe, pure, kind environment for them, too?”
7th Grade: Building Social and Emotional Skills
Seventh grade is a year of variability. Mudd says, “Some kids may look and act much older than they did a year earlier, while others still may appear very much like younger children. It’s a year of growing physically, cognitively, socially, emotionally — and all of this boils down to the child’s identity.”
She adds, “We can’t protect our children from difficult experiences. So during this growth time, we want to instill the skills so our kids can start to manage some of these relationships and experiences on their own.”
Support identity development: Mudd shares that kids are actively asking, “Who am I? Where do I fit in?” Because judgment and self-regulation skills are still developing, parents should balance providing more freedom with maintaining supportive oversight.
Prioritize warm connection: “Maintain a warm demeanor, staying interested without being intrusive, and setting predictable boundaries,” Mudd says.
Encourage out-of-school interests: Mudd highlights encouraging activities outside of school, such as sports, art, volunteering or hobbies, to build competency and self-identity.
Recognize the growing impact of friends: Knight shares, “My goal is to have our family be the biggest influence, but I know that when I’m sending them to school, they spend a large chunk of their day around friends.” She recommends parents support healthy choices and normalize that some friendships naturally shift or end.
Connect with the parents of your child’s friends: Get to know other parents to gain insight into who your child’s friends are and the environments your child spends time in.
“You don’t really know what the kids are exposed to or what direction that friend is starting to take in life as far as decision-making,” Knight says. “I find that developing a relationship with the parents can sometimes help to open windows into the type of child that they have.”
This knowledge can help parents to better guide and encourage healthy friendships.
Run through “what if” scenarios: Ask hypothetical questions to help children think through potential situations before they arise. Listen closely as they share, and share from your own experiences growing up as appropriate.
Knight suggests the following questions as thought starters.
- “What if you and your friends are watching or listening to something you don’t agree with, and no one else speaks up?”
- “What if some of your friends do things you don’t agree with — how would you respond?”
- “What if it seems like your friends are starting to change, or aren’t treating you with respect?”
- “What if you’re tempted to do something you know isn’t good?”
- “What if someone talks negatively about our family or passes judgment on the way we do things?”
Respect new boundaries: As children’s preferences for affection or nicknames change, parents should adapt. Knight says, “My husband and I know things that he likes and doesn’t like and I’m willing to acquiesce and change for those things.” Therefore, parents should extend that same respect to their growing kids.
8th Grade: Support Growth and Get Ready for High School
Eighth grade serves as the bridge to high school, requiring parents to help kids build key executive and emotional skills.
“Eighth grade is tough because children start to look more mature than they actually are emotionally or cognitively,” Mudd says. “They have an increasing need for independence and identity development. They’re thinking more about the future, becoming more invested in specific activities or friendships.”
Children will start high school after 8th grade, so it’s also important to teach skills needed to transition well into future school years.
Maintain ongoing dialogue on hard topics: “I think a lot of times parents view some of these hard conversations regarding healthy relationships, consent, boundaries, substance use or drug use, or social media as one-time lectures with kids,” Mudd says. Instead, she recommends parents have open and ongoing conversations with their kids during eighth grade.
Continue to practice time management skills: Mudd recommends parents teach organizational skills so kids can build balanced schedules and handle academic demands ahead of high school.
Prioritize sleep hygiene: She shares that parents need to discuss the impact of proper sleep on physical and emotional health.
Intentionally cultivate your relationship: Knight recommends asking, “How am I getting that one-on-one time with my child? What does my child like to do?” Part of building a relationship is to recognize when the parent has hurt the child. She adds, “I’m okay with saying sorry and asking forgiveness.”
Build a strong community: As teens begin to “turn the volume down on mom and dad,” Knight stresses establishing a supportive network. She says, “It does take a village. There are awesome people who pour good stuff of truth into my kids, and I do the same for other people’s kids.”
Address the heart behind behavior: When moodiness or conflict occurs, Knight recommends checking the child’s heart posture. She recommends questions like, “Where was your heart in that situation? How do you think that made me (or the other person) feel? What do you want our relationship to look like?”
Invest in parenting resources: Knight says, “We learn about investments, trading, side hustles, taxes and many other things. Similarly, reading books on parenting is important.”
Reading parenting books and developing a supportive community, according to Knight, helps parents to continue to grow while understanding it doesn’t have to be perfect.
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The middle school time is a period of a lot of change and growth. This can come with disappointments because children are less childlike than before, or because the relationship may be growing toward more of a coach role. This can cause grief for parents as they adapt toward this change.
However, Knight advises parents to “find joy in every season. Each season brings its own joy.”