Why is My Teen Embarrassed by Me?

Why is My Teen Embarrassed by Me?

Since my daughter was in preschool, I’ve either walked her into school or dropped her off at the school door. But suddenly, my rising sixth grader asked me to let her out of the car a block down the street. When I asked why, she said she was embarrassed to be seen with me. 

Do her friends not have parents? Am I being overbearing by driving her to school? Does she hate me? Am I not a cool mom? I poured out all of these thoughts to my other mom friends, and it turns out, misery loves company. I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

We spoke with Dr. Joseph Austerman, chair of the Department of Pediatric Behavioral Health & Neurosciences at the Cleveland Clinic, about why teens are embarrassed by their parents and how to maintain a bond with them during these teenage years.

Being embarrassed is an age-appropriate behavior

Austerman says that adolescence is a time of developing a sense of your own personality separate from your parents. 

“Teens tend to be hyper aware of negative peer criticism and avoid anything or anyone that would be seen as going against what is seen as accepted by the larger group,” he says. “Behaviors or actions by their parents that they perceive as different can lead to feelings of embarrassment.”

Austerman assures parents who feel rejected that this is a normal part of development and usually decreases as teens grow older and become more comfortable with their own identities.

“We typically see this feeling dissipate in late adolescents to early 20s as the teen becomes more confident in who they are. This is an individual journey so the more self-confidence that you have the earlier this embarrassment lessens,” he says.

Puberty is at play 

As kids go through puberty, it stimulates neurological changes that help move the child’s brain to an adult brain capable of handling more complex thinking. 

“Also, puberty changes the person’s physical appearance dramatically, which undermines self-confidence leading to the hyper awareness of criticism,” Austerman says. 

Preserving the relationship with your child

To preserve the relationship with a child who may be feeling embarrassed by their parents, Austerman recommends taking a step back and realizing that while teens cannot effectively modulate their emotions, you should be able to.

“Do not respond with anger or even attempt to embarrass them,” he says. “Be the adult and parent. Be consistent with praise and support while pointing out times that your teen is acting inappropriately.” 

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